He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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