I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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