my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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