Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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