Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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