She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Boobs are out for the taking
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
