There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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