If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
