the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
So here I am, sexting at work.
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