Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
