there's paper in my vomit.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
