I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Randomize
