sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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