I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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