dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
