sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
