I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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