return my video game
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Randomize
