adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
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