Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
