I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
