I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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