I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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