Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
