At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Randomize
