Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize