I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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