btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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