you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
