wake up i wanna do it froggy style
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Randomize
