my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize
