Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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