We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
