You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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