just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
My vagina is officially offended.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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