i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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