I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
