I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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