But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
