Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I deserve this hangover.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Randomize