I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
