I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
