So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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