I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
