I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
