I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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