There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
