If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize