Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
you are never too drunk for berry picking
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Also, beer. Big fan.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
