dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
