dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize
