I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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