dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
