did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I just had sex on a roof
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
