# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
