new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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