I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
