White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
it glows. i had to have it.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
