I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
