i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
