He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
