I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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