sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
