Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
