I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Randomize
