I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
