It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
