I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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