I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
