and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
