I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
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