That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
