I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
