I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Randomize
