Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
