five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
