Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
foreskin is a definite game changer
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
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