he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Randomize
