in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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