The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Randomize
